my umrah story ꨄ︎

First of all, gang… WHAT IS UP?!

Forgive me, I know it’s been a little minute since I’ve posted. Not sure if it’s just me but the last few months has felt like I’m running a marathon and catching my breath was nearly impossible. Between work, family/friends and traveling, I ran myself ragged trying to be everywhere and do everything but alhumdulilah always. The reward for it showed up when I least expected it and was far more than I could’ve ever imagined.

as Muslims,

we believe that only God himself calls you to his home, and those who receive that call are of the fortunate. a few weeks ago, i got that call during the Holy month of Ramadan and not only was I granted the opportunity to make the trip myself, He made it so that I could take my parents along with me and what a dream it was, الحمد لله والشكر لله

Let me give you a little back-story,

Last year, my parents and siblings were planning a family umrah trip and given that I had just secured a new job, I thought I’d be able to afford to go with them. I shared my plans with my supervisor who was game to help me make it happen, despite being low on PTO.

As soon as everyone started talking about how much everything was going to cost, I knew there was no legal way for me to make that happen in less than eight weeks. I cried about it, prayed about it and just let it go. I figured if and when Allah wanted me there, I’d get that call.

Still, something about not “getting that call” made me feel like I must’ve not been good enough. I remember telling my older sister that and I’ll never forget what she told me, “You have to make the intention, but you also have to put your money where your mouth is and just commit to it. Allah will make it easier for you along the way but you have to have Tawakkul (complete faith in Allah’s wisdom/plan).” That changed everything for me.

The tail-end of 2024, I made the intention to do Umrah during the month of Ramadan the following year. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I didn’t even know who was going to be my Mahram (male relative to accompany me). I even asked ChatGPT at one point to see if I could make it work (which was no help) by plugging in my income based on the dates I had in mind which left me feeling like I was in over my head.

The following week after I had made the intention, my parents randomly asked in our family group chat if someone wanted to take them again next year and I remember crying thinking, “Wow, this is it. This is my intention working”. I quickly responded and told my Dad that I would but he didn’t believe me. To be honest, nobody did. I kinda didn’t even believe myself because how the hellyon was I going to pay for multiple trips, let alone my own? I ran to ChatGPT again, like that’d be any help, just to get an idea of what I’d have to do to make it work because I’m the kind of person, once I say I’m going to do something, I have to do it so I was committed.

I had other trips planned, I had money tied up in other things, I had bills but none of that mattered because I had Tawakkul. Somehow, I managed to book everything all within a month or so and slowly began to plan my arrival to the House of Allah.

Every day that passed felt like a year because I was so anxious to make it there. I was convinced this must’ve been a mistake or something, like the wrong number was dialed..LOL!

I remember crying so much in the days leading up to my travels and being shocked that despite getting the call this time around, I still felt unworthy. Like damn, why me? I felt undeserving and felt like maybe a better Muslim wouldn’t have these thoughts and be better suited for the call.

I shared my feelings with my younger sister who told me to listen to everyone’s favorite podcast, The Digital Sisterhood —Season 3 | Episode 1: “Had I known…” because Cadar, the Host whom I know and love, also had feelings of unworthiness before her Umrah.

I couldn’t believe it because if you know anything about Cadar, she is the epitome of what I believe to be a good Muslim. Outside of the physical attributes, she’s extremely kindhearted, a radiating light of good energy and always keeps everyone around her within an earshot, in constant remembrance of Allah.

Still, I took my sisters advice and listened to the episode as I packed for my trip. I found myself crying about twenty minutes in because she was saying nearly everything I was thinking. How could two people from two polar opposite worlds have the same feelings? And sure enough, I cried until the very end and made du’a for her immediately after. That was exactly what I needed to hear.

After a long couple days of travel, I finally made it to Mecca and began my Umrah around 10:30pm with my brother.

The moment I laid eyes on the Ka’ba, I kid you not, a waterfall of tears fell from my eyes. I’d never seen anything so beautiful and so majestic and so otherworldly ever in my life. I was stuck in a trance for a moment there until I was bumped by someone rushing to go pray and then I realized I had a long journey ahead so I locked back in.

Thankfully I came prepared with water and dates to keep me satiated because I logged nearly 20K steps that day. I made so much du’a, cried endlessly and tried to give as much charity as I could. The experience in & of itself felt like a dream I never wanted to wake up from and before I knew it, I was had completed my first Umrah in the Holy month of Ramadan. 

After about a week or so, I decided I was going to do another Umrah. Typically, the first Umrah you do is supposed to be for yourself and then you can do more if you’re able to as a gift for those unable to do it for themselves such as the disabled or deceased. I had made the intention to do one for my good friend’s father who recently passed, may Allah have mercy on His soul, long before I got to Mecca so I was excited to complete this second round.

Now the process to do Umrah is not easy nor is it quick but because I had made the intention already, I knew I had to see it through. Interestingly enough, everything that happened that day felt Divine despite being utterly exhausted. From doing Umrah with my childhood best friend, to it being an odd night, to Sudais leading Maghreb prayer, everything felt right.

It took us 7 hours to complete because we started so early in the day and kept having to pause to perform our daily prayers, but for some reason it still felt easier than the first go around which was only 4hrs. At one point, we looked down at our phones to track our steps and we logged over 30K steps that day.

The ending was my favorite part because to complete your Umrah, you have to cut a piece of your hair and as I was taking out my scissors, a line began to form of women asking me to also help them complete the final step of their Umrah. I thought that was so beautiful and again, so Divine. There were several little moments like that throughout the day that felt like I truly was meant to be there and to gift this incomparable present to a friend I hold so near and dear to me.  I was so happy to share the news and pictures with both her and her mom.

I hope to always be surrounded by friends who not only consider me and my afterlife, but also think of my parents & their afterlife in that way. 

The next few days, I focused on rest and recovery because doing Umrah once will do you in let alone, twice. Both nights I completed my Umrah also happened to be on odd nights in the last 10 days of Ramadan which naturally meant a larger crowd, given the significance.

Being exposed to literally millions of people, I got sick almost immediately after I got back to my hotel. My parents had every remedy known to man on deck because this wasn’t their first rodeo so I spent the next week trying to get better, to no avail.

To be honest, I’m still sick as I type but Alhumdulilah. Someone told me post-Umrah colds are an expiation of sins, so that’s been giving me ease.

All in all, the trip gave me so much more than I could’ve ever asked for. Spending two full weeks with my parents and little brother was everything. We stayed up and talked every night, shared stories and laughed until our bellies hurt. I kept thinking, this is something I’m going to remember for the rest of my life. There is no experience or trip that could ever top this one and honestly, I can’t wait to do it again.

I hope Allah calls me back one day, because knowing what I know now, that’s a call I will always answer.

ciao for now —

always, in always ♥︎